The feeling..

Is it possible to miss someone who you barely know?

Is it possible to feel connected to someone that you only know by name?

Or is it that i'm missing someone that I've created purely by my imagination?

The Diamond RIng

I was out with my parents having Nandos at Alamanda. We passed by this jewelery booth.. it was Habib's and they were doing their mid year sale...

Like all women.. my mom & i stopped to admire all the glitters and gems. Mom suddenly said that she was interested in buying a diamond ring. I was about to ask her where is her wedding ring since its a diamond stud bought by dad in the states when i suddenly remembered that it was stolen..poor mom.. she has no jeweleries at all at the moment.. but she was so delighted that Habib was selling it cheap.. it was at 70% discount. The ring mom saw was so lovely... kinda like the ring in the pic.

The price after discount fell at around RM1K. I think it's cheap.. considering that these kinda rings usually are priced 2k and higher.. It was small on mom's hand.. the diamond was small.. it didnt shine.. so it wasnt meant to be. But i cudnt resist. I wanted to try it on. Because it look so darn beautiful. So sparkly...

Owh.. how i fell in love! It fit my finger to perfection. The size of the diamond was just nice and it made my hand and me feel beautiful.. Mom said "Do u wanna buy it?"

Now there's a question. This is an engagement ring.. Its kinda embarassing to buy this ring for urself.. when u dont have anybody to be engage with. I wish I had someone.. Someone to call and say.."Habib is having their mega sale..please buy me a ring.." but i dont have anybody.. ergo the problem...

Owh well.. My heart is telling me its time.. time to face the fear of committment and allow someone to knock on my heart.. but now.. i just dont feel up to it.. i dont trust the foreign chromosomes anymore.. I'm more guarded.. But mayb i havent met the right one..

Watever it is.. Allah knows best.. I believe in Allah and HIS grand plans for me.. So I must be patient.. and keep faith and constantly pray.. for the right person who wud see me for me.. not some girl that people treat like an ATM machine or avoid thinking that I'm high maintainence.

Someone who would see me 4 me... and Allah knows best...

who knows.. maybe i'll even get a better catch.. with an even better blingbling ring.. :)

Anxiously waiting 4 2morow..

Results are gonna b release 2morow..

How scared and anxious am i? really really anxious...

wat worries me is my cgpa.. wat if i dont get above 3.5? wud that slim my chance of going overseas? wud it taint my already tainted and undignified record.. from a girl with a cgpa of 4.0.. i'm now a girl with less than that... who can i blame but myself?

i think i can also put blame on the system.. and the unfairness of marking.. somehow i dont entirely believe that those ukm people are really professional in marking.. if they gave me a C for my thesis which i believed was an A material.. who knows wat will happen.. regardless of how i enjoyed my last placement.. it wont guarentee me an A.. no matter how badly i want my cgpa tu b above 3.5...

i'm scared.. i've been unable to sleep at nights.. just thinking that my future depends on it..

Ya Allah ... help me... kepadaMu aku bertawakal dan berserah..

Memories

I was cleaning my room the other day and came across some very old pictures.. baby pics, toddler years and school years.. Ya Allah.. time flies pretty fast.. when i was young, i cant wait to get older.. always boasting to people that next year i'll turn 15 or 16.. and just impatiently waiting for the year i turn 21. but when 21 strikes, i just wish that time would slow down.. for me to cherish it properly.. treasure the moment..

When looking back at the school photos.. i realized that my frenz and i have turned into different people with different status and p.o.v. Some of us successfully accomplished what they wanted ever since school years.. some of changed ambitions. I was one of them. I wanted to become a peadiatrician. Turns out i couldnt stomach injecting people with needles and seeing small children sick.. turns out i became a clinical psychologists. But in some corner of my mind.. there's the all-time fave question.." what if?".. what if i didnt feel so burnt out during form 5.. wud i still be on this path? wat if i went to a private college rather than matriculation.. would i have succeeded beyond wat i am now? i shake my head.. telling myself the "what if" questions are no good. Allah knows best and He has designed this path for me.. No good in questioning what has happened but instead try to look at what lies in the future. Maybe i was destined to help children in another way.. psychologically and mentally.. mayb i have more empathy (since i'm a cry baby) that i can connect with people more... maybe this is for the best.. considering that my family needed me most throughout the past 6 years.. yeah.. i was going to awkward stages of development.. rebelling anyway i can.. trying to get my freedom.. and i am shame to admit that i have done wrong. and i'm trying really hard to make up to it... Ya Allah.. ampunkanla dosa2 ku..

But all the wrong doings made me the person i am today... hopefully for the better..

memories... how i miss the school days.. how i miss my childhood.. how i miss my grandma..

ooo... just memories.. sweet2 memories...

i'm still single btw.. haha.. boyfriendless... bukan jual mahal aaa... mayb xda jodoh lagi.. Allah knows best.. its not that i dont socialize.. I guess i just socialize with the same group.. my classmates.. and i'm not planning to date any1 of them.. i'm still single.. single.. it scares me sometime.. when my frenz r getting engaged and married.. and i'm still single.. is there really a prince charming? i dont think so.. but who knows rite? mr. charming can come in various shape and sizes. hmm... time will tell... wallahulam bisawab..

but how i hate it when people think i've married.. mayb coz i've gained weight.. fatter.. tembamer... huhu.. i need to slim down i guess..look more single.. dress like anak dara with style.. not like some old lady in her mid 30s.. how i wish i know how...

ok.. i'm just ranting.. just plain nonsense... better stop now..